In the last few weeks I've been a bad person. A bad friend more than anything else. I've been irritated, irritable and irritating. Now finally I've taken a break from college and am at home, unwinding and organizing my thoughts. And unexpectedly, it's working. Only a few hours of serious thinking, and I've already discovered a huge hidden part of my entangled web of ideas, and—believe it or not—I've almost entangled it too:
Relationships are probably the single most important part of life. Every relationship requires you to adjust, accommodate, and accept. These three A's can often be the difference between a lasting relationship and a failed relationship. However, it is very important to truly understand what these words really mean.
Adjust: It is very rare that someone can get along with you exactly as you are. In the real world, some (or many) small changes are required. Make those changes. These changes should not come as a burden or obligation—you would happily make them for a loved one.
Accommodate: Accommodating is the complement of adjustment, in that it has to be everywhere that adjustment is. If another person cannot adjust in a certain situation, you should accommodate. Keep in mind though, that there is no other way for this to work than on a reciprocal basis.
Watch out that adjusting and accommodating should never require you to curb your personality. Never let anyone in the world restrict you to a person that's less than the real you. Minor changes here and there are great, but a relationship that seems to become successful only if you shake up the foundations of your very being isn't a very good idea at all.
Accept: Where adjust and accommodate fail, and otherwise, acceptance comes into the picture and probably erases all negativity. Acceptance is never easy, and in fact requires more selflessness than most of us have. Yet, it is one of the strongest foundations of love. Sometimes an incompatibility cannot be removed; instead embrace it, respect it, enjoy it.
All of this said, there are two very important "boundary conditions" (engineer-speak):
1. None of the three A's (or let's say a relationship) should ever come in the way of your becoming a better human being. Be a work in progress and strive to be continuously in the process of improving. At least with me, the conscience is enough to decide which traits need to go in transcending to a higher self. So there is usually a clear line between improving and not having to curb myself.
2. Like I've mentioned already, there's no way a relationship can work unless both (or all) the persons involved contribute their share of love, attention and the three A's, among much else. If a relationship ever gets abusive, the best thing to do is to call it quits.
It's perfectly normal for things to not work out even when you have given your best. You didn't end up with a great relationship, but with a great lesson. Trust me, that's not bad at all.
From my learning, I've certainly become a happier person, and am ready to make the people around me happier. Hope this can have the same effect on you too. :)
"Justify the title"*
Back in the day when I was in eighth grade, we had a literature chapter by the name of "Life's a Glorious Gift". It is a beautifully written play about the interpretation of life as a functional gift, that should be used, and not merely displayed like a piece of art on a glass showcase.
The play has a beautiful message, and especially for someone raised in a very secure environment, is an eye-opening insight into the life, thinking and strength of people--young and old--living in warn-torn areas. For me covering this play was a profound experience: it was one of the first times when we covered literature that had a more mature side to it than most children's stories. And most importantly my English teacher who taught us that year is the person who single-handedly forced the writer within me to surface. She continues to be a great source of inspiration, as well as one of my favourite people ever. (Thanks always, Namita ma'am.)
With all these thoughts in mind, I had started this blog a couple years back. My idea behind the name is more about my belief that life (human life in particular) is an invaluable gift. No matter what goes wrong, there are always ways to truly live it in a commited and fulfilling way...
Let's go out then, and starting right now, live our best lives!
*"Justify the title" was a very common question in our English exams. Ah, nostalgia...
The play has a beautiful message, and especially for someone raised in a very secure environment, is an eye-opening insight into the life, thinking and strength of people--young and old--living in warn-torn areas. For me covering this play was a profound experience: it was one of the first times when we covered literature that had a more mature side to it than most children's stories. And most importantly my English teacher who taught us that year is the person who single-handedly forced the writer within me to surface. She continues to be a great source of inspiration, as well as one of my favourite people ever. (Thanks always, Namita ma'am.)
With all these thoughts in mind, I had started this blog a couple years back. My idea behind the name is more about my belief that life (human life in particular) is an invaluable gift. No matter what goes wrong, there are always ways to truly live it in a commited and fulfilling way...
Let's go out then, and starting right now, live our best lives!
*"Justify the title" was a very common question in our English exams. Ah, nostalgia...
Top Ten Things to Do for a Loved One
I have no memory of how and when I fell into this thought trap, but fall I did for sure, so here are the results of being in the trap for several hours:
(These are not only for sweethearts, but also for friends, parents... Yeah basically, loved ones. Here's a bonus: most of them are easy on the pocket. :D)
10. Meet up, in a "Zero Technology Space-time"
The fancy term is grossly inaccurate, but it conveys the idea well, I think. This one is especially for people who don't get to share a lot of quality time with their loved ones. Make the time to meet, in a quiet place, and keep cell phones, laptops, televisions etc. totally away. (Mentally away is more important than physically.)
9. Work for a Cause Together
This can work extremely well if you both feel strongly about a certain issue. Help spread AIDS/cancer awareness, participate in an anti-corruption rally, or help spread the "Go Green" message.
8. Create Something Together—And it Doesn't Have to be a Baby :P
This can give you a very wide range of choices--paint your house, assemble a computer or do an art/craft project together. Create something tangible that will be a lasting symbol of your collective hard work. A baby actually fits into this pretty well, if that's applicable in your case. ;)
7. Give Them a Nickname
A friend of mine used to call me "Blossom" and it's one of the sweetest names I've ever had. Think of a name that's cute and sounds nice--but don't use it all of the time. “Sunshine” and “Cupcake” are my personal favourites, although I hate that they’re so hackneyed.
6. Take (Long) Walks Together
The utopian idea about this would be a long, slow walk after dinner, when it's not totally dark yet, with a scenic view around. Perfect for interesting and warm conversations, and exercise too. Long drives work too, but they're not really the same.
5. Make a Slideshow/Scrapbook of Your Shared Memories
Don't worry too much about putting the pictures together; just pick out your mutual favourites. Once you're done and satisfied, make sure you can have some uninterrupted and quiet time together to look at the slideshow/scrapbook. By the way, Windows Movie Maker, Animoto, Stupeflix, Picnik, Slide, etc. can be helpful apps.
4. Allow Them to Relax and Leave Things to You
Particularly if you live together: This is perfect for an evening during a busy week. Also a great background to a special dinner or some lazying together. I'll leave rest of the imagining to you. ;)
3. Surprise Them
Meet them where and when you're least expected; of course having double-checked that the plan won't backfire! Give some minutes to each other, tell them how special they are, and leave them with a flower or a small gift as a cute memory of the moment. Or just leave “Boo!” or “Gotcha!” or of course “Love You!” notes where they’d be least expected.
2. Gift Them an Experience
It could be a movie and dinner date, or a dance/cooking class together, but doesn't have to be that fancy. For me, coffee and breakfast in bed on a cold weekend morning is great too. (Aha!)
And finally, point # 1. (Thank you for the drum-roll!)
1. Keep It Real
Nothing expresses your love for a person better than truly, deeply loving them. Listen to them, genuinely care for them, and most of all, accept them for who they are. You wouldn't need much more if you can just do this well.
So those were my top ten. Let me know what yours are, and which ones of these you like best, and worst.
(These are not only for sweethearts, but also for friends, parents... Yeah basically, loved ones. Here's a bonus: most of them are easy on the pocket. :D)
10. Meet up, in a "Zero Technology Space-time"
The fancy term is grossly inaccurate, but it conveys the idea well, I think. This one is especially for people who don't get to share a lot of quality time with their loved ones. Make the time to meet, in a quiet place, and keep cell phones, laptops, televisions etc. totally away. (Mentally away is more important than physically.)
9. Work for a Cause Together
This can work extremely well if you both feel strongly about a certain issue. Help spread AIDS/cancer awareness, participate in an anti-corruption rally, or help spread the "Go Green" message.
8. Create Something Together—And it Doesn't Have to be a Baby :P
This can give you a very wide range of choices--paint your house, assemble a computer or do an art/craft project together. Create something tangible that will be a lasting symbol of your collective hard work. A baby actually fits into this pretty well, if that's applicable in your case. ;)
7. Give Them a Nickname
A friend of mine used to call me "Blossom" and it's one of the sweetest names I've ever had. Think of a name that's cute and sounds nice--but don't use it all of the time. “Sunshine” and “Cupcake” are my personal favourites, although I hate that they’re so hackneyed.
6. Take (Long) Walks Together
The utopian idea about this would be a long, slow walk after dinner, when it's not totally dark yet, with a scenic view around. Perfect for interesting and warm conversations, and exercise too. Long drives work too, but they're not really the same.
5. Make a Slideshow/Scrapbook of Your Shared Memories
Don't worry too much about putting the pictures together; just pick out your mutual favourites. Once you're done and satisfied, make sure you can have some uninterrupted and quiet time together to look at the slideshow/scrapbook. By the way, Windows Movie Maker, Animoto, Stupeflix, Picnik, Slide, etc. can be helpful apps.
4. Allow Them to Relax and Leave Things to You
Particularly if you live together: This is perfect for an evening during a busy week. Also a great background to a special dinner or some lazying together. I'll leave rest of the imagining to you. ;)
3. Surprise Them
Meet them where and when you're least expected; of course having double-checked that the plan won't backfire! Give some minutes to each other, tell them how special they are, and leave them with a flower or a small gift as a cute memory of the moment. Or just leave “Boo!” or “Gotcha!” or of course “Love You!” notes where they’d be least expected.
2. Gift Them an Experience
It could be a movie and dinner date, or a dance/cooking class together, but doesn't have to be that fancy. For me, coffee and breakfast in bed on a cold weekend morning is great too. (Aha!)
And finally, point # 1. (Thank you for the drum-roll!)
1. Keep It Real
Nothing expresses your love for a person better than truly, deeply loving them. Listen to them, genuinely care for them, and most of all, accept them for who they are. You wouldn't need much more if you can just do this well.
So those were my top ten. Let me know what yours are, and which ones of these you like best, and worst.
Selflessness--an illusion?
This is going to be a short post, because the idea, I believe, is strong enough to speak volumes for itself. I heard this on a Robin Sharma podcast, and it stayed with me:
It sure is a beautiful metaphor, but just made me think of how people say that no act is truly selfless--even when you donate to charities it's because you want the satisfaction that it brings.
I guess perception is a bigger deal than most of us think...
The sun gives away everything it has, without being selfish, and in return flowers grow directly towards it.
It sure is a beautiful metaphor, but just made me think of how people say that no act is truly selfless--even when you donate to charities it's because you want the satisfaction that it brings.
I guess perception is a bigger deal than most of us think...
The Big Secret to Success
Okay... So the title's probably really got your attention. Good. So let's head off to the big secret, shall we?
But before that:
"There's some good news and some bad news...
The bad news is that there is no good news."
(From the Beau Peep comic strip in The Times of India many months back)
Disappointing for sure, and here's another one:
"The big secret of success is that there's no secret."
(From my crazy mind that's no good at comic strips)
I haven't done anything exceptional or achieved anything wondrous in my life yet. So I am nobody to be giving out success gyaan. But I do have some thoughts on success that I'd like to share. And I hope that one day I will have moved from Dream to Action and be moving from bigger dreams to better action.
That said, let's get back to the big secret, or rather the absence of it.
In whatever little success I have achieved so far, I've realized that it really was a direct result of focus, commitment, and hard work. So, my point in this post is that success isn't really that complicated. We tend to have the expectation of a shortcut, and waste a lot of time trying to find it, whereas the real need is to spend our time doing what we instinctually know. Really, my belief is that the actual basics reside deep within us--again, focus, commitment, hard work, and sometimes practice. And a big one--being consistent around your goals. Along with these, embracing failure as just a step towards success is also crucial. This might go against what we think, but is still a major part of nearly every success story. Unless we look at failure as something that has been sent our way to inflame us even more, we cannot succeed. I hate to use the cliché, but "Failure is the stepping stone to success."
Back to the instincts then: For students nothing is as important as sticking to the right path, and incessantly contributing towards achieving their (academic and other) goals. For a salesperson, I guess the biggest thing is to show empathy for the customer's needs and think from their perspective. And in case of entrepreneurs/managers, probably the biggest tip would be to treat the employees well and try to create a balance between concern for productivity and concern for people.
Nothing new, right? See! That exactly is my point. So, the bottom-line really is that success--personal, organizational, at virtually any level--mostly comes as a direct result of the things we know are its ingredients. And if possible, we need to garnish the dish with smart work (versus hard work), productivity tips, and life hacks. These are supposed to help; they can hardly do much just by themselves.
I hope you find this post inspirational. Hit back with comments sharing your thoughts on this, and your own little formulas for success.
But before that:
"There's some good news and some bad news...
The bad news is that there is no good news."
(From the Beau Peep comic strip in The Times of India many months back)
Disappointing for sure, and here's another one:
"The big secret of success is that there's no secret."
(From my crazy mind that's no good at comic strips)
I haven't done anything exceptional or achieved anything wondrous in my life yet. So I am nobody to be giving out success gyaan. But I do have some thoughts on success that I'd like to share. And I hope that one day I will have moved from Dream to Action and be moving from bigger dreams to better action.
That said, let's get back to the big secret, or rather the absence of it.
In whatever little success I have achieved so far, I've realized that it really was a direct result of focus, commitment, and hard work. So, my point in this post is that success isn't really that complicated. We tend to have the expectation of a shortcut, and waste a lot of time trying to find it, whereas the real need is to spend our time doing what we instinctually know. Really, my belief is that the actual basics reside deep within us--again, focus, commitment, hard work, and sometimes practice. And a big one--being consistent around your goals. Along with these, embracing failure as just a step towards success is also crucial. This might go against what we think, but is still a major part of nearly every success story. Unless we look at failure as something that has been sent our way to inflame us even more, we cannot succeed. I hate to use the cliché, but "Failure is the stepping stone to success."
Back to the instincts then: For students nothing is as important as sticking to the right path, and incessantly contributing towards achieving their (academic and other) goals. For a salesperson, I guess the biggest thing is to show empathy for the customer's needs and think from their perspective. And in case of entrepreneurs/managers, probably the biggest tip would be to treat the employees well and try to create a balance between concern for productivity and concern for people.
Nothing new, right? See! That exactly is my point. So, the bottom-line really is that success--personal, organizational, at virtually any level--mostly comes as a direct result of the things we know are its ingredients. And if possible, we need to garnish the dish with smart work (versus hard work), productivity tips, and life hacks. These are supposed to help; they can hardly do much just by themselves.
I hope you find this post inspirational. Hit back with comments sharing your thoughts on this, and your own little formulas for success.
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